How do I stop being so miserable?

13.02.2020

In response to the question "How do I stop being so miserable?" I shared this the other day on reddit - Three years ago I broke both my feet in half and was diagnosed with a rare condition making the bones in my feet break at random times. Eventually, for some, your feet become like sandbags and require below the knee amputation. It's rare to get it in one foot - I got it in both. I was living high up in a canyon in my parent's home for nearly two years healing, only able to leave the house when my 65 yr old father would piggy back me down the stairs to the street (about 40 steps). I spent a lot of time alone in my room unable to put any weight on my feet. Here's how I moved on from being miserable:

 

A schedule helped me to move forward. Literally structuring when I would wake up, brush my teeth, take a shower, what I'd do IN the shower - break it down into 15 minute increments.

 

Bathe yourself daily. Caring for your body every morning helps to have a fresh perspective and literal fresh start to the day.

 

Make your bed. Ever heard of Hygge? The Danish way of living. Keep your space organized, cozy, and put together.

 

Connecting with others going through the same thing. I found some of my closest friends to this day on FB and have never met them in person. Streaming my favorite game on Twitch and sharing my story helped too.

 

Letting go of what success looks like. Going to the bathroom on my own became my biggest victory one day and it helped me to realize it's not about your job, owning a home, or having money.

 

Lifting stranger's spirits. Take an Uber if you have no friends and talk to your driver. Not Uber pool, no one talks - take UberX. I can't drive anymore - some of my most significant convos have happened in Uber.

 

Pet an animal. Doesn't have to be yours. Try a kitten cafe.

 

Don't have too much free time. Even if you're stuck in a room for two years unable to walk there is a ton you can do. I streamed, facebooked, read reddit, played a videogame, read, organized A LOT, listened to music and created storyboards for music videos, blogged about my experience. It can take up a whole day if you schedule it!

 

Write. Write a blog, write in a journal, if you hate writing just write three good things that happened to you in a day. It will slowly start to change your perspective.

 

Write about your legacy - reflecting on your life objectively can help you discover what you wish to add to that list. I wrote a letter to my dad explaining what life had been for me since he died when I was six. It was incredibly helpful in me accepting my story.

 

Care for a plant. One plant can make the difference watching it change and grow daily.

 

Exercise. I would wake up and do bed workouts for 20 minutes in the morning. Simple things like stretching and leg lifts. Doesn't have to be hitting the gym or running for miles. Eventually I was able to swim at the pool once I discovered medical transport was covered by my insurance and my initial breaks were fused. Swimming is good for the soul.

 

Build your life soundtrack. My Spotify playlists kept me going in moments of too much silence.

 

Find a good MMORPG. Hard to do these days but I played BDO.

 

Reach out to old connections without expectation. I connected with old SOs and apologized, old friends whom I'd lost touch with, random connections I never followed up with. Didn't talk about what I was going through but shared a great moment/memory we had together and wished them well.

 

Listen to the news about Syria. It will make you appreciate living in a place of peace.

 

Listen to The Moth podcast. Real stories from real people. It will help you get out of your own reality and realize everyone has their struggles/triumphs/embarrassment/heartbreak/loss.

 

Talk to yourself in the mirror. May sound silly but it really helps to look yourself in the eye. It's not always happy! Sometimes you have some deep heart to hearts with yourself with lots of tears. The biggest relationship challenge you have is with you - face yourself.

 

Repeat cliche quotes to yourself. "Without the night sky you can't see the stars", "The lowest valleys lead to the highest peaks", "Every beautiful picture starts with a negative" - sounds cheesy but these will start to pop in your head instead of the fatalistic thoughts. Every time you think something negative repeat one three times!

 

READ REDDIT.Happiness is a muscle - you have to build it, nourish it, and work at it.

 

Doing the above things helped me to move forward mentally which led to me walking daily today! 

 

 

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© 2017 created with 🖤 by Ali Dugger